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I was recently doing some research regarding criminal mindset when I stumbled across an article in Psychology Today on bullies. I have seen several news stories over the past few years about children being harassed so much in school that they chose to take their own lives to end the misery. This is terribly heartbreaking. I gained some insight not only into the mindset formation of bully and victim, but interestingly enough, how this behavior gets reinforced over the years and shapes the individuals as adults. Without some kind of intervention, bullies continue to bully into adulthood, and are more likely to engage in antisocial, ie criminal behavior. Equally so, victims tend to get victimized over and over again. This dynamic of predator and prey is created fairly early on, and without something to divert their paths, it is a dance that is perpetuated throughout life.
How and when exactly does it begin? Believe it or not, aggression begins at as early as age 2. Think preschool! The child-parent relationship at this tender age is the most important relationship, and the article argues that bullies are made. A parent may be dealing with a particularly difficult child who acts out and is frequently disobedient. If the parent engages in what is called non-contingent parenting, the adult yells at the child with threats of punishment and only follows through at the point at which his or her hostility has reached a critical point. Then the parent coerces the child into compliance with force. Unfortunately, if this behavior becomes a pattern, the use of ineffective and / or intermittent punishment ultimately rewards the child's defiance. If the parent engages in harsher punishments over time, the child tends to become more and more aggressive. This is a terrible cycle, indeed, and one that can have very bad consequences for many. Other factors play into the formation of bullies, also: not monitoring youth behavior (especially towards other children); children modeling adults' negative behavior towards others (bullies beget more bullies), children using aggression to demonstrate power or control the environment, and lack of verbal fluency. The last one is really interesting; the better the verbal skills, the better children function in the social environment of their peers.
What does bullying entail? It can include physical or mental abuse. Aggressive youths may begin to control specific peers with physical punishment, but compliance may eventually only require a threatening word, facial expression or gesture. Bullies tend to be physically stronger and in turn, select targets who are weaker and smaller, more sensitive and quiet, and who display a fear of confrontation. In other words, bullies pick on more submissive children. In a large percentage of cases, bullies are themselves the victims of bullying, and lash out due to their own hypersensitivity to confrontation or provocation. If they are emotionally sensitive, they may always be looking for a battle. Some bullying types have a very high threshold for stimulation and are motivated by the reward of arousal; these are usually sociopathic in nature. A sociopath is perpetually bored, has no empathy, and can not cooperate because he or she can not relate to others. I am currently reading an interesting book entitled the sociopath next door, by Martha Stout, Ph.D., that will hopefully give me further insight into the psychological aberration of sociopaths, as well. Bullies may use ridicule, and if the bully is a girl (yes, they can be girls), she will use social relationships as a weapon against a target and engage in behavior that isolates the victim from the pack such as social exclusion, spreading nasty rumors, etc. All of this stuff, of course, occurs mostly under the adult radar, at a gathering of peers (like school). The relationship between predator and prey causes a downward spiral for both parties; bully behavior is rewarded and reinforced, and victim behavior causes a child to have less and less self-esteem. Kids usually believe their victimization is their own fault, and bullies believe they have to solve every problem through aggression. The bullied children are often rejected by their peers because their submissive behavior is "unsettling" to other children. The entire peer group gets locked into negative patterns, and without adult intervention, those roles can keep both predator and prey on a very dark path, well into adulthood.
What can be done to prevent bullying? Make no mistake – neither the bully nor the victim is engaged in character-building exercises. Based on several psychological studies (in various countries), some examining kids from an early age all the way into their 30's, the problems associated with bullying do not just work themselves out as many might believe. Adults have to get involved; this not only benefits the lives of the children, but the lives of everyone they come into contact with as they age. Looking at the very big picture, society at large benefits from adult intervention. So, what exactly can adults do? Here is a list of things to try:
* Teaching children avoidance of bullies – this is exactly what we teach adults in self-protection regarding predators on the street.
* Helping children with their social skills – facilitating social groups and social opportunities. Both bullies and their victims are often socially isolated.
* Teaching children self-confidence and assertive behavior.
* Helping children improve verbal skills (a "pro-social" skill). Many bullies are lacking in this area.
* Inquiring how peers are treating children. This may take some work, since children may not readily admit to having problems socially.
* Helping children become more adept in activities that are valued by their peers, including martial arts!
* Controlling consumption of violent programming. This is a big issue – Lt. Col. Dave Grossman talks a lot about the problems associated with violent video games and other forms of entertainment.
* Instilling empathy in children.
* Staying involved in children's lives, but without being so over-protective that it hinders their ability to deal with confrontation.
The criminal mindset begins to crystallize even earlier than I thought. The victim mindset does also! All the more reason we need to be involved in the lives of young people, giving them proper models to shape them into well-functioning adults that respect the rights of others. I also see this article as a great endorsement for the martial arts in helping kids develop confidence, assertiveness, self-respect, and respect for others. Those are the qualities we all need to accomplish our goals in life, right? Instill those things in a child, and you have given them a gift for a lifetime.
References
Marano, Hara Estroff. (1995, Sep). Big. Bad. Bully. Psychology Today, 28 (5), 50-57, 62-69, 73-79, 82.
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Source by Steven Mosley